so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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