I hate all girls vehemently.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
