he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
