so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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