You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
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