i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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