I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
