John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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