this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
