her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Randomize
