Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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