***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
So many bounce houses so little time
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
