I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
third nipple confirmed
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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