Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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