Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
