had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
