he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I supernannyed him into submission
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
