I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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