apparently the secret to your success is patron
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
