conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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