it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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