Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
