Your tits are I can't wait for
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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