So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
