i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
