No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
