My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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