listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
