respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
