Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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