Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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