I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
