I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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