I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
