There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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