How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
