it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
