I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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