Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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