wat bout pragnant strippers??
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
