I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
