i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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