Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
