I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
