I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It's blow job season.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Randomize
