they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i will never coherently bang her
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
