it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
