On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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