I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
