I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
