I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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