Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
